We recently got together for a chat with 21st President of the United States and all-around dead guy, Chester Arthur.

Ram Troper:  With the guardedness of the Bush administration, the most prominent Republican figure we were able to interview this month was ex-president Chester Arthur.  Having said that, President Arthur, we’re honored to have you.

C. Arthur:  Well, it’s a pleasure to be here.  My public presence has really gone down since, you know...my death.

RT:  I’d imagine.  We at the Troper are interested to know, though, what do you think of the current administration?

CA:  It’s upsetting.  Honestly, when I told George Dubya-

RT:  Wait.  You talk to George W. Bush?

CA:  (Laughing) Yup.  Sure do.  Don’t let anyone know, but you know when Georgey tells people that God speaks to him?

RT:  I have heard of those claims.

CA:  Well, that’s just me and some of the boys having a little fun with him.  We like to spook the new guy.  He’s just the first one who ever did what we told him to.  Ever since he was willing to say he was making a mission to go to Mars we’ve had a field day with it. 

RT:  You and “some of the boys”?

CA:  Oh, you know.  Garfield, Polk, Tyler, Cleveland, Fillmore.  We’re a little ‘gang’, you could say.  “The Unknown Six”- a rough-and-tumble group of the most obscure American Presidents.

RT:  That’s really pretty pathetic.

CA:  Hey man, do I go to where you work and criticize you?

RT:  I suppose not, sir.  Let me ask you a final question.  What would you say your greatest achievement was as President?

CA:  Well, many historical pundits would say that it was coming into office during a time of turmoil and corruption and presiding over a presidency that avoided partisan bickering and instead focused on restoring dignity to the oval office.

RT:  That is an impressive accomplishment.

CA:  But I personally would have to go with the “walrus mustache”.  You know Taft totally ripped that off of me.

RT:  That’s fair, Mr. Arthur.  Let me ask you one more thing, though.  Was this really the best we could come up with?  Chester Arthur?

CA:  It would appear that way.